Gestalt

Infatiation is the key to unlock all doors.  We can’t stand the wine; it is coming up over our heads. And we can’t, we can’t stand to whine.

That is a lyric from a song I wrote.  That’s a different story…

But this story is about infatuation: a guy who is shy and as self-conscious as they come.

He lays down in his bed.  The walls consuming him are covered in posters of Aaron Carter and Duran Duran.  His closet’s filled with Pee Wee Herman suits and Mr. Rogers sweaters.  His records consist of The Beatles and Herman’s Hermits. 

His favorite foods are pizza and chicken alfredo.  What’s it like to feel in his brain and to see through his eyes?

It’s quite easy.  his name is Kevin, Kevin Willbanks.

He goes to the mall to check out a new movie entitled ‘Peanuts from Space’. “Good flick.” he thought to himself while devouring some popcorn. That's not what he thought after the movie.  He had stomach ache from Hell. Kevin had a bad habit of always eating too fast. “That movie was kinda good.” He thought while regurgitating in front of the movie posters.  Kevin looks up to the sky, vomit drool dripping down his chin and almost staining his white Abercrombie and Fitch sweater. He’s hungry, not physically hungry, but hungry for love. He proceeds by walking through the pleasant corridors of the mall.   Not very many people in this world know what love is, but Kevin Willbanks did.  Even though he had never been in love before, he knew what the fuck it was.  He wanted a girl who could take him home and not tuck him in.  There she was just a walkin’ down the street singin’ doo-wa-ditty-ditty-dum-ditty-doo.

Boy was he beautiful. She was really somethin’ else. He didn’t shit his pants. He didn’t drool again He smiled at her and shook her hand. HE was a good lookin’ guy.  “Hey, my name’s Kevin Willbanks. What’s yours?”  She returned a flamboyant smile. “Shondra” she said, showing her teeth a dentist would love to steal.

“WHAT NEXT?! WHAT NEXT?!”  He nervously thought. His penis was screaming at him. 

Kevin cleared his throat.

“Would you like to get something to eat?”  She smiled once again and nodded her head.  “Yes.” An angel got its wings.

 

they went to the pizza shop down the street called Mr. Ding Dong’s Pizza.  They sat down.  She ordered a vanilla coke and an order of the saltiest fries known to woman. (That’s what she specifically asked for.)

“We can do that.” The waiter smiled a salty s mile and his dog wagged his tail at home.”   Throughout the young lady’s meal, Kevin just sat there frantically tapping his fingers on the table and rubbing his sweaty palms.  She looked at him like he had lost his mind.

After fifteen minutes, he spoke up. ”I’m not hungry.”  He said rather shyly.  She cruelly shot back, “I’m going home.”

Poor Kevin was left licking his sweaty palms. He returned to his bed, laying there trying to think of something to preoccupy his mind other than Shondra but it wasn’t working out too well and neither did that dinner he thought.

Just then his best friend Bryan came in through is window. “What are you doing here, you fool?!” Kevin asked him.

“I just came to say The Cubs won and I brought you some Peeps.” Kevin accepted the ‘Peeps and hung his head very low.

“What’s wrong?” Bryan asked.

“I just had the worst dinner of all time with the best woman of all time.”

“Who?”
“Shondra Jackson.”

“No way!” shouted Bryan.  “Yeah now leave me alone, I’m going to bed.”

Bryan shoved him.  “You’re giving up?” Bryan asked him.

“Yeah man, now please go home.”

“I’m not going anywhere.  And you’re going to pretend you’re queer and you’re gonna get that girl.”

“I’m gonna what?”

“Yeah man, so you can watch her undress and shit.  Ladies trust gay guys with anything.” Kevin looked at Bryan and smiled reluctantly.

“Man, you’re fuckin’ nuts but you’re right!” They spent the rest of their evening trading basketball cards and listening to Foghat.